I’m in a waiting room (as I refer to it) in various area of my life right now. I’m waiting for my future career to take off, I’m waiting for my future husband, and I’m waiting for my health issues to improve and be healed. During this “waiting room” time, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect. I’m journaling, praying, and trying to listen to what God is telling me. When I pray, I’m asking Him to help me learn to be accepting of this time as I wait for my dreams to come to pass and that I gain wisdom on what to do in areas of my life. This is a learning opportunity for personal growth and spiritual growth for me. I used to pray for the waiting time to be over with, but now I am learning that it truly is HIS timing, not mine.
Waiting on my career to take off: I’ve been applying for jobs and praying to find the job of my dreams since I’ve graduated college. I’ve been applying for years (literally) at one particular company because it’s been a dream of mine to work there. I’m still going to keep applying for jobs at this company, because I’m not giving up on my dreams. I might have to take a detour and work somewhere else before getting hired at this company, but I’m not giving up. Just because some things take longer, doesn’t mean they aren’t meant to be. I’m going to be positive, keep applying, and trust God to lead me where He wants me to be.
Waiting on my future husband: I’ve gone to so many weddings in the past few years, but I love weddings! I love the rituals of it all, of watching the bride walk down the aisle with her father, and watching the groom tear up over his bride walking towards him. It makes me cry. Not because I’m sad for them. But as selfish as it might sound, I feel sad for myself. I wonder “When is it my turn? Why do I have such a desire to be married and I’m not? Will it ever be my turn?” Will my groom look at me like that with tears in his eyes?” Well, he better tear up as I walk down the aisle, or I’m cancelling the wedding at that moment! (Just kidding).
Pastor Ryan had a series recently called “Guardrails and Pitfalls” where he talked about guarding our hearts. He also preached about looking at what’s in our hearts. He mentioned a variety of things we can have in our hearts and how to change what’s in there. For example: rather than be jealous of someone’s happiness, celebrate their joy! But it’s hard for me to celebrate the newlyweds when I’m in the “waiting room” wondering when it will be my turn to be married? Dating has been quite an experience. There’s a lot of lies and inconsistencies with the dating world followed by cultural norms that aren’t God’s intentions of intimacy and relationships. It’s important to stay to your values, who you are as a person, and not to compromise. When it comes to relationships, just because something is common in society, that doesn’t mean you have to follow the same common theme. Seek what God says about relationships and intimacy and follow that.
I’ve been cleaning out our attic and I found baby and children clothing that my mom had saved from when my siblings and I were little. I had negative thoughts, “Should I just donate these? I don’t know if I’ll find a husband and have kids, why keep these?” Then I thought, “Nope, get those negative thoughts out of here.” So I organized all the clothing, keeping them for when I have children. If I can’t have children, then I will adopt or be a foster parent. Just because things aren’t happening in your planned timeline of events, doesn’t mean they’re not going to happen in God’s timeline of events for you.
So, as I reflect in the valleys that I’m in during my life right now, I have to be patient and trust in God. He has me in the palm of his hand, although it feels like I’m drowning sometimes, I’m still in his hand. He’s got me (and he’s got you too). My struggles will continue strengthen me. They keep me humble, and help me to value and appreciate my successes because I’ve been through the failures. As my life feels overwhelming at times with so much uncertainty of not being where I thought I would be in life at this age, I have certainty in God to carry me through. No matter how many times I’ve failed, or felt like I disappointed Him, He’s still there. His love for us is unconditional. No matter what you’ve done, you will be forgiven, you just have to ask. Stay in faith. Fight for your dreams. Pray for your future spouse. If God put that desire in you, you’re most likely meant to live out that dream, regardless of any negativity someone says to you. God has a plan for you and your life, plans of goodness and to prosper you.
There’s a song from the group Unspoken called “Lift My Life Up.” One of the lyrics is, “…All my dreams, all my plans, Lord, I leave it in your hands. Have your way in me.” If you feel that you’re in a “waiting room” like me with your life, here’s my advice: take a seat, stay in faith, do your best each day, take this time as personal and spiritual growth to stay close and connected with God, be positive and trust in God to fulfill your hopes and dreams. “Seek His will in all you do and he shall direct you on which path to take” Proverbs 3:6.